Let me say, first of all, that it was not my intent to be a single Mother. I am a product of a Mom and Dad who were married for over 60 years. That was not my life’s goal.
I married my middle school sweetheart. We dated through high school, and four years of college, then got married. However, after 5 years of marriage I found myself filing for divorce.
So, here I was 28, with two kids under the age of 2, divorced, and no transportation. That was not a pretty picture at the time. Gratefully, I had a college degree which provided a resource for financial support.
I had a couple of sister friends who were also single parents. They were, like me young women who were trying to build a better life for themselves and for their children. Not, woe is me, and how could this happen to me women; but ladies who were career minded professionals.
The stats were not lined up in our favor.Citing a 2012 editorial by Harper and McLanahan: Controlling for income and all other factors, youths in father-absent families (mother only, mother-stepfather, and relatives/other) still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those from mother-father families.
Boys raised in a single parent home were destined for the penal system. I determined from that day, that by GOD’s power and my forthrightness this would not happen to my sons! Our current sitting President of the United States, President Obama was raised in a single parent home, by his Mom.
Education– As an educator, it helped me to support my sons with their school days. My youngest was labeled a special education student due to some behavioral issues – another dilemma of black boys. At one particular meeting with the counselors, they scoffed at his desire to attend college, advising him on a career that required more brawn than brain. I stood in his defense at the meeting! Today, he is one of the leading professional salespersons in the Medical Device field.
We must be the number one advocate for our children.
Mom Dating and Sons – I was strategic in who I let come into my home and speak into their lives. They had to have an image of strong Christian men who publicly respected and loved their Mom. This mean I was dateless for many years. LOL! However, these two young men have strong marriages today.
Dating and Sons – For a Mom this is emotionally tearing. Your son is listening to other females. You are no longer the main voice of wisdom. I was no longer Numero Uno. To get through this time, I began to list and pray over the qualities that I desired for their wives.
The Mother-In-Law – As a Mother of two adults, how do I handle this new role? Still praying! More importantly, I keep my mouth shut when it comes to their marriages and running their households; unless I am directly asked for advice. I am no longer the parent; I am now the adviser — coaching from the sidelines.
I used to lament at the “loss” of my two sons, the “empty nest” syndrome. I know the adage of gaining a daughter, but that does not ease my pain. And I have two wonderful daughters-in laws. This lamenting almost cost me the joy of having grandsons. I have three.
I believe that GOD is pleased with the works of my hands with my two sons and has allowed me the privilege to pour once again into other men of GOD.
Strategic Transformation Specialist & Christian Woman Motivation Speaker
Education * Motivation * Support